Movie Review - After Earth

Director: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: Will Smith, Jaden Smith
Year: 2013

It all started with Jaden Smith narrating with a Southern accent.  I'm not kidding.  I wish I was, because it was perhaps the worst fake accent I've ever heard, with Will Smith's being a close second.  I have no idea why they decided to try something so stupid; perhaps it had something to do with the Ranger Corps that saved humanity in the story, but it doesn't matter.  Whatever the reason, it was a bad idea, as was almost ever single idea in the entire movie.  When I first saw the trailer I was excited.  I wanted Shyamalan to get back to directing good movies, I wanted Will Smith to be cool like he used to be, and I wanted an awesome sci-fi movie about evolution/mutation/survival.  Well, apparently critics and audiences were right when they slammed After Earth, because it didn't deliver anything I wanted.  And I can't even say that I was left wanting more; I was left wanting my money back.

The story begins a thousand years from now.  Earth as we know it has changed.  Humans destroyed it with pollution and war, creating an inhospitable environment for mankind.  So a mass exodus began, and a new planet called Nova Prime was settled and became man's new home.  However, they weren't alone.  The native alien race there became bent on human destruction, releasing monsters called Ursas that can sense human fear and who's only desire is to kill.  General Cypher Raige leads the resistance, as his son Kitai tries to be just like him.  On a routine space flight, their ship is damaged and they must crash land on a quarantined planet; Earth.  What they find there is a planet that has evolved to be deadly to humans, a dangerous jungle that is almost impossible to survive.  With his father injured, Kitai must travel alone across the wild landscape in search of a way home; battling animals, nature, and his own fears in a desperate attempt to get back.

At first I wondered why the story was so juvenile and awful, and then I saw that Will Smith wrote it himself.  It was an idiotic premise loosely tied to reality and copied from a thousand other plots.  I mean, the main character is named Cypher Raige.  Did he steal that from a Warcraft chat room?  And all the other details of the story were just as bad: fighting aliens with a lightsaber-like weapon, spaceships that looked like stingrays, computers that instinctively know everything.  I know it's a PG-13 sci-fi movie, but shouldn't the plot still be somewhat believable?  I never once thought that any aspect of the movie could actually happen.  It was silly, sloppy, and had no redeeming qualities that could make you overlook it's flaws.  From beginning to end I was constantly frowning and looking around, wondering if every one else just heard what I did and also thought it was crap.

And wow, things got worse when Jaden Smith came to Earth and started carrying the movie.  He was as bad an actor as you are likely to find.  The accent didn't help, but I doubt it hurt much either, as every line was over-delivered, forced, and amateur.  I never believed for a second that he was an actual person running from danger; he always looked to be in a studio waiting for his shot to end.  And acting aside, I had high hopes for the plot once the characters starting fighting for survival on Earth.  It was hyped as a planet evolved to kill humans, but it wasn't.  It was just a place, and the most deadly thing around was the alien they had accidentally released there.  The low point was when Kitai befriended a giant bird; at that point I pretty much gave up.  The only nice thing about the movie were the visual effects and stunning landscape.  Too bad it was the background for a horrible story told by an inept actor.  Don't see After Earth unless you are interested in how not to make a movie.

My rating: ✰

DVD Review - It's a Disaster

Director: Todd Berger
Starring: David Cross, Julia Stiles, America Ferrera
Year: 2012

I don't like when I can't categorize a movie.  I guess it's part of being Type-A, but I like to know where things belong; "a place for everything and everything in its place".  And while It's a Disaster is most definitely comedic, after watching it I don't know what kind of comedy it is.  On one hand, you could label it as pop.  It's got a couple name actors, it's appealing to many audiences, and it relies on the standard idea that awkward situations make us laugh.  But on the other hand, it could be seen as independent.  The director is working on only his second feature film, it doesn't rely on slapstick or crude humor, and it's not a very well known project.  Either way, I guess a comedy doesn't have to fit anywhere in order to be good, it just has to be hilarious.  The only problem is not only do I not know how to define it, but I'm not sure how funny it was.  I might feel more confused than amused, and that's not what you want.

The Movie

It all begins at brunch.  Once a month young couple Emma & Pete host a couples only get-together.  The typical guests include Lexi & Buck (free-spirited musicians), Hedy & Shane (perpetually engaged), Jenny & Gordon (always late), and Tracy, who this month brings her online date Glenn.  The friends have all known each other for years and these brunches have become more traditional than enjoyable, but things are about to change.  Emma & Pete let slip that they are getting a divorce, and with that announcement all sense of polite normalcy is out the window.  Secrets are revealed, the couples argue among themselves, Glenn feels more and more uncomfortable, and what started out as a nice brunch is quickly turning out to be the worst party ever.

But that's only the beginning of the troubles. As the power fails and the phone lines go dead, the group comes to learn that something terrible has happened in a nearby city.  Men in haz-mat suits and infected friends show up at the door, announcing that the world may be coming to an end.  Bombs have exploded distributing a deadly toxin that will soon kill anyone close by.  So a disastrous brunch has just gotten worse, as the friends must now decide what to do with the little time remaining them.  Do they try their best to escape, bravely watch the end come, lose all morality, tie up loose ends, have one more fling, get high, resolve old wrongs, share secrets, pig out?  What will the future hold and how long will it last?

First of all, the film deserves some credit for merging two different and potentially funny stories together; the awkward brunch and the end of the world.  Each set up was funny in its own way and when put together resulted in an obvious pun that was pretty amusing on it's own.  I can't say I didn't laugh, because I did quite a lot.  There were a few moments that were hilarious, some extremely uncomfortable scenes when it was either laugh or squirm, and a couple times where I was amused because I could see myself in a character.  But often I found myself laughing and I couldn't be sure if I was laughing with them or at them.  It was all a little amateur, like the actors were amusing themselves rather than creating good comedy.

And I use the term "actor" lightly because I'm not sure there was any real talent on display.  Most of the dialogue was fairly awful, making most every character an unbelievable stereotype.  And no one was up to the challenge of breaking through that barrier.  Julia Stiles was unsurprisingly horrid; it's as if she hit her talent ceiling at 10 Things I Hate About You.  America Ferrera was bad, Erinn Hayes was unlikeable, and Blaise Miller was dead inside.  The only positive standouts were David Cross as the uncomfortable newbie and Jeff Grace as the nerdy conspiracy theorist.  I guess it was at least a good thing that the actors were all on a relatively similar level so that they didn't make each other look bad; they just did it to themselves.

Now, it wasn't all horrible.  Like I said, I laughed, but often it was in chagrin.  It was too much like watching a high school production starring your friend; you think your friend is comical, you are entertained by the play, but after you leave you start to wonder just how funny it really was.  The silly parts were a little too silly; mixing up homemade Ecstasy, making awkward sexual advances, debunking the moon landing.  And the serious parts were a little too serious; couples counseling, afterlife theories, past regrets.  In the end I was left satisfied because I had a moderately good time, but feeling fairly empty.

The DVD

Video - With an aspect ratio of 2.35:1, you get the best in widescreen HD quality with this DVD.  The film was shot with an Arri Alexa, a relatively new digital motion picture camera brand.  But as with other non-action movies, the high quality video is put to little use, as the entire movie takes place inside a single house with little to no action.

Audio - There are a few nice audio options with the DVD.  You can choose between Stereo or Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround.  There are English subtitles for the hearing impaired.  And the audio set up menu is where you'll have the ability to turn on the feature length audio commentary, featuring David Cross, Todd Berger, Kevin M. Brennan, and Jeff Grace.

Extras - In the Extra Features menu you'll also find a link to the audio commentary.  There is also a Tour with Todd, a ten minute look behind the scenes.  Also, director Todd Berger and three of the actors in the film are part of an improv comedy troupe called The Vacationeers.  You will find three of their short viral videos in the Extras, as well as a panel discussion during the 2012 Comic-Con.  Last, there is a theatrical trailer for the film.

Final Thoughts

Rent It.  It's a Disaster is a funny movie, but not always for the right reasons.  Watching the trailer again, I'm disappointed that the film wasn't as entertaining as I hoped it would be, but I still enjoyed it for being an off-beat comedy that was at least a nice way to spend ninety minutes.  The video quality was great, the audio options were nice, and the extras were plentiful.  A good DVD of an OK movie.  Watch it for a few quick laughs, but don't expect too much.

✰ ✰ ✰ - Content
✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ - Video
✰ ✰ ✰ - Audio
✰ ✰ ✰ - Extras
✰ ✰ ✰ - Replay

Movie Review - Re-Animator

Director: Stuart Gordon
Starring: Jeffrey Combs, Bruce Abbott, David Gale
Year: 1985

I've talked a lot on here about b-movies and cult classics, and while I really enjoy the genre I understand that it's totally hit or miss.  You've got to sift through a lot of trash in order to find something worthwhile, and it doesn't always seem worth it.  Take Surf Nazis Must Die for example, a movie that I'm sorry I ever watched.  It's a classic, but it doesn't deserve the title.  Yes it was bad, but it was so bad that I felt my brain melt a little.  But in a strange way I'm still glad I watched it; now I know and maybe it helped me to appreciate good b-movies even more.  I put that theory to the test while watching Re-Animator, another wacko cult classic that I hoped would be wonderfully terribly and strangely amusing.

The story begins with young love.  Dan is a med student who has a tough time losing patients.  Megan is his girlfriend who is there for him no matter what.  And even though her father is the Dean and would expel Dan if he only knew what went on behind closed doors, the couple vow to be together forever.  But things begin to get weird when a new student arrives.  His name is Herbert West, and he has some bizarre ideas about what is medically possibly.  He believes that he has developed a way to bring back the dead, and with Dan's help he aims to test his theory on humans.  Well, the results are not what the team intended, and death has never been so difficult.

Now that's what I'm talking about.  Finally, a b-movie/cult classic that lives up to its fame.  It is odd, goofy, creepy, hilarious, over-acted, and highly entertaining; exactly what I was looking for.  Now, it's still bad of course, but bad in a good way, bad in a way that makes it fun not stupid.  And if you want gore, look no further.  Dismembered cats, walking corpses, headless bodies, exploding chest cavities, you name it.  But again, it's comical, it's ridiculous, and ultimately it makes for an enjoyable experience if you can stomach the blood.  There are many other films in the Re-Animator series, but this is the one that started them all and it deserves cult classic status.

My rating: ✰ ✰ ✰