Movie Review - The Other Woman

Director: Nick Cassavetes
Starring: Cameron Diaz, Leslie Mann, Kate Upton
Year: 2014

Of course, right?  Of course The Other Woman is a disaster.  It never at any time had any hope of being a viable film.  Even the trailer was more a warning than an advertisement, alerting us all to the fact that a horrible movie would be coming out in April and that we should all stay clear.  And yet we go to the theatre to see it anyway.  What are we, masochists?  Or is it just that we need to see the train wreck with our own eyes, experiencing it so that we can steer clear of others like it in the future?  At least, as a film critic, I have an excuse, going because I need to see what the buzz is all about, to see if it's actually as awful as it sounds.  And believe me, it is, of course it is.  From the cast to the direction, the story to the pratfalls, it's a film that could never have worked, didn't work, and should be studied as an example of how not to make a movie.

Carly is a woman who has it all.  A powerful career, tons of money, looks to die for, and a great new boyfriend.  He's classy, handsome, an excellent lover, and a married man.  Wait, what?  That's news to Carly, and she only finds that out when she goes to his house to surprise him, only to surprise herself with meeting his wife.  Kate has some difficulty dealing with the information that her dreamy husband is cheating on her, and when she & Carly discover that he has even more mistresses, they decide that revenge is exactly what they both need to feel better.  Teaming up with woman #3, Amber, the trio travel across the country and the globe on a mission to ruin this man who has wrecked so many lives.  Their hate & hurt may have brought them together, but their love for each other will help form a sisterhood that will last forever.

What's that line from an early Friends episode; "It's not that it's bad, it's that it's so bad that I want to stick a pen through my eye, into my brain, and scramble it about." Watching The Other Woman was like that.  It comes across as a movie made by a grown woman with the intelligence of a twelve year old.  The themes are adult; adultery, sex, revenge, dating.  But the humor is childish; slapstick, bodily functions, hair removal, drunken vomiting.  There's actually an American Pie-esque explosive diarrhea scene that I can only assume was supposed to be funny.  But it wasn't.  The entire film felt like a desperate attempt at comedy that failed miserably.  It wasn't the worst thing ever, it wasn't so disgusting that I couldn't watch, it looked and felt like a few people put in a lot of effort; it just wasn't amusing in any way.  I may have chuckled once I think, but it was a case of I'm laughing at you, not I'm laughing with you.

With this cast, how could the movie have possibly been good?  Cassavetes has worked with Diaz in the past (My Sister's Keeper); shouldn't he already know that she can't act?  And she was the lead nonetheless, the lead buffoon in a non-comedic comedy of errors.  The only thing about her performance that was laughable was her attempt at a character with any sort of depth.  Leslie Mann was only minutely better as Kate the Wife.  At least she had a few moments when you felt sorry for her or when you smiled sadly at her depressing life.  But humor?  Not so much.  And do we even have to talk about Kate Upton?  She was cast specifically for her boobs; they were there so I guess she did her job.  The only thing she was called upon to do was stand around and jiggle.  Throw in Nicki Minaj & Don Johnson and you have a film that makes zero sense, is never enjoyable, and makes you feel less intelligent just for having seen it.

My rating: ✰

Movie Trailer - Boyhood

Director: Richard Linklater
Starring: Ellar Coltrane, Patricia Arquette, Ethan Hawke
Release: July 11th, 2014

Wow, what a concept.  If anything like this has ever been done in a non-documentary style, I haven't heard about it.  What a powerful way to make a film.  And although I haven't seen Linklater's Before Sunrise series, I have faith in his direction.  Patricia Arquette I'm a little nervous about, but I really like Ethan Hawke.  I really hope this film turns out to be great, because it looks like it could be.

Sports - Donald Sterling

If you follow the world of sports, watch ESPN, or listen to sports radio, you've heard about Donald Sterling.  For the full story check out this article, but here's a little summary just in case you haven't heard.  Apparently Sterling, the owner of the L.A. Clippers NBA team, was recorded telling his girlfriend not to bring any black people around.  This isn't the first time Sterling has been linked to racist and/or sexist remarks, but this is the first time it was caught on tape.  When the recording was leaked, NBA players and fans called for immediate action from Commissioner Adam Silver, which he quickly delivered.  Silver banned Sterling for life from the sport, prohibiting him from attending any Clippers games, practices, or events.  He also fined him $2.5 million which will be donated to local charities that specialize in cultural & ethnic diversity.  And last but not least, the board of NBA owners will be asked to vote that Sterling be forced to sell his team, an action that is believed to be supported by all other owners and should pass easily.  So, in essence, Sterling has been exiled from the sport, fined a large amount of money, and forced to abandon his franchise.  Swift and harsh penalties to be sure, representing the maximum punishments that the league can lawfully dole out.

Now, the controversy begins.  The two extreme sides of the argument over this issue are as follows; one side believes that Sterling should have been evicted long ago, that the NBA has done nothing until their own reputation & money took a hit, that this was too long in coming.  The other side, led by Fox News, claims that Sterling was only exercising his right to free speech, that taking away his freedom in this manner is a slippery slope towards other injustices.  And as usual, the majority believe something in the middle, that this man crossed the line, that his punishment is fair, and that the Commissioner got it right.

Whatever side you lean towards, or whether you are in the middle, one this is certain; this is about money.  Remember the Duck Dynasty fiasco?  Some bearded man says gay people are going to hell, gets fired, and everyone flips out.  That was seen as a social issue, but it never was.  It was a business move, firing an unpopular figure so that the company that employed him wouldn't lose sponsorship revenue, ad money, ratings points.  Corporations have to follow the passions of the populace, that's the way they make a profit.  So if our country is currently pro equal rights, you can't publicly express your views to the contrary without repercussions.  Basically, you can't make your employer look like they support your unpopular beliefs; they don't want that kind of negative publicity, they'd rather just fire you.

And that's what happened here.  As soon as Sterling's comments became public, his attitude reflected badly on the NBA.  Sponsors bailed within days, fans talked about not coming to Clippers playoff games, and there were quickly rumors that the players themselves wouldn't play for a man who held those opinions, that a strike was a very real possibility.  So what does the Commish do?  Levy the heaviest fine he can, ban the man from the league, vow to do all he can to make Sterling sell his team.  That was Silver's only option here.  The NBA's money was in danger, there reputation was taking a hit, and they couldn't allow someone to remain in there club who held beliefs that insulted a huge number of their players & fans.

We can call this a social issue if you like, because it does reflect the direction that our country is moving in, a path toward complete respect for diversity & the annihilation of racism.  But while those are great things, we shouldn't view Adam Silver and the NBA as magnanimous heroes that stood up to bigotry and slammed it down.  What they did was in their best interest first, a humanitarian issue second.  What would they have done had the majority of sponsors supported Sterling's comments and vowed to leave if he was punished?  We'll never know because that's not where our nation is right now and that's not what happened.  But you can be sure that rich men will always protect their money.  If they can do that while looking like saints, they gladly will.